


Mello vs. Near: Whammy House President

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note
Genre: 2000, Childhood, Comedy, Elections, Gen, Humor, I don't know, I just love these guys, enjoy, headcanon Matt and Mello were always bffs, pre-plot, somewhere between manga and anime time line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 09:19:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>"We will elect, as a house, one President, one Vice President, one Secretary, and one Treasurer to serve in the executive branch of our Whammy government."</b>
</p>
<p>The school already had mock-legislative and mock-judicial branches of government. Now it's time for the execs. Guess who wants to be President? </p>
<p>I'll give you a hint- he's blonde, feisty, and loves to eat chocolate. </p>
<p>His opponent? </p>
<p>A quiet boy in pajamas who prefers puzzles to parliament. </p>
<p>Who will win? Who will lose? Will anyone actually win? Hell if I know. Come along for some crazy campaign shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mello vs. Near: Whammy House President

 

 

**Mello vs. Near**

**Whammy House President**

* * *

 

Intro: **Mello**

* * *

Parliamentary procedures as those found in Britain did not include the election of a President, but a Prime Minister. However, in the multicultural world of Whammy’s, a President was widely accepted as the best term to use to describe someone with power over the executive branch of government. It will also be noted that in Whammy’s there was already mock-judicial and mock-legislative procedures occurring on a weekly basis. Lawyers prosecuted and defended clients against childhood transgressions, most of them crimes of theft. Theft of toy, theft of work, theft of intellectual property, and most heinously theft of daily juice box and snack. Legislative members proposed bills on making the house a better place for all children and debated the subtleties of such issues as plagiarism, taking turns, quiet hours, and bedtime. Yet there was no one person on the top of the mock-government. Excluding Roger, no one had the clear position of making decisions, of declaring an end to arguments, and of dealing suitable punishments to those hardened criminals guilty of more than just a time-out or scolding. No. Their system needed something else. Someone on top. It needed…

“Me, of course.” The ten-year old blonde snapped a piece of ‘found’ chocolate between his teeth. “It obviously has to be me. Who else could possibly be competent enough to rule this house? I’m practically ruling it right now, all I need is the title. I mean, everyone respects me and I’m basically the best. L’s going to choose me one day, so I might as well start preparing for my role as leader of the free world. Right? Matt, were you even listening to me?”

A reluctant redheaded cohort sighed. “Yeah, I heard you.”

“And?”

“I think you may have heard Roger wrong.”

“….what do you mean?” The words came with a menacing crack of chocolate.

“He said we’d be electing a President, a Vice President, a Secretary, and a Treasurer.”

“I don’t see how that’s any different from what I said.”

“Rule, Mel. You said rule. Presidents don’t rule people. Kings, queens, emperors, dictators, and occasionally French revolutionaries rule, but presidents just represent.”

“Nuance." Mello said dismissivly. "It’s all the same thing. Maybe in the real world of governing the President doesn’t rule, but here, in this house, that man will have the power. And who better to have power than me? It’s a clear choice. I’m a shoe-in.”

“There’s another part you’re missing.” Matt sometimes wondered if Mello was actually ignoring parts of the world that didn’t suit him on purpose.

“And what, oh smart one, would that be?” Mello rolled his eyes and took another bite, savoring the sweet cocoa. Victory would be even sweeter than chocolate, hard as it was to imagine.

“You have to get elected first.” Matt sighed. He was going to have to say it out loud, Mello wasn't going to let him out of it. 

“So?”

“Mello, nobody likes you.” He ducked in preparation for the oncoming onslaught. 

“MATT!”

And with the glorious sounds of a pillow engaged in violence, the glorious campaign for the 2000 election of Whammy House President began.

(May Kira have mercy on our souls.)

**Author's Note:**

> Well here we are, end of the intro. 
> 
> I've had this idea in my head for a while, and I decided to kind of act on it mostly as a way to avoid studying for my finals. Mello's my personal favorite character in Death Note, and I love reading fics about Whammy's and the kids there. I just finished rewatching Death Note and I'm back in that sort of mood. 
> 
> I'd love feedback if you've got it, if not bear with me and enjoy! The rest of the chapters are going to be significantly longer than this intro. I hope you're looking forward to the campaign as much as I am!
> 
> (I will also throw in as many pun-tastic references to the history of American campaigns as I can)


End file.
